Some memories are better left hidden in the mind's eye, with no external proof that they ever occurred. Because all that exists then, is the imprint of a pure feeling, untainted by the opinions of others and undisturbed by outside words. And even if the images in my brain change over time, maybe because of unintentional exaggerations or otherwise, what still remains in the end is a permanent and somewhat intangible truth that only I, happily, can remember.
Throughout my life, I've always had an innate desire to capture memories on paper or on screen. But in serious reflection, it seems that the short instances or events that have made the MOST meaningful impacts on me can only be found in a secret file cabinet somewhere in my brain. Tucked into the little folders are the rare vulnerable glances, the quiet moments, the whispered words and speeding heartbeats, clammy hands and sweet smells... all those "senses" that trigger a much deeper connection than what they symbolize on the surface.
I think these things are the music of life. Just like how music can connect thousands of strangers in a crowded amphitheater, its the unique and intimate moments which connect us to each other; it's just a matter of listening. No matter how rich or poor we might be in the material world, or how many photographs and home videos we keep around in order to "validate" our experiences to the outside, the REAL essence of our existence is enclosed in the important memories we lock up in our souls. To hold a feeling inside your soul, is to let it wordlessly ripple into the souls of the people you come across.
I know I may come off as an idealist, with an overly-optimistic view of life. But what it really comes down to... is my belief in people. I find it much more worthwhile to focus on the small things- the emotions that come naturally and can't be manufactured or ruined by anything material. Whether the feelings are good or bad, euphoric or painful, I welcome them all because they make me whole. And it's exactly the way I want to be, because it gives me a purpose that can't be hindered by any other rules.
Even though we'll all meet our deaths one day, some maybe sooner than others, it doesn't matter if our memories are on a piece of paper or behind some thick glass screen, because connections like the ones I've felt linger on in some unseen fabric that binds us to each other. All it takes to feel connected... is to watch the ripples, rather than crash on the shore to disturb them.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
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